Moments
by Blue Dusk
Summary: A series of vignettes chronicling pieces of time in the lives of Jack and Ennis, together and apart. Complete.
1. Waking Up

_A/N: I saw this movie last week, and completely feel in love with the story and with the characters. I am currently in the process of reading the story, as well. _

_This is intended to be the start of a series of vignettes chronicling pieces of time in the lives of Jack and Ennis, together and apart. _

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**Moments**

The sun rose slowly over the mountain, casting its light over the landscape. The morning dew shone, the river sparkled, and the soft wind whispered through the valleys. An idyllic landscape that most would revel in, but it was all naught to Jack Twist.

This was his favorite time each day, not because of the marvels of nature, but because it was just one quiet moment in which he could close his eyes and be with Ennis. There were no worries for the briefest time. At this early hour, no one cared whether they were men or women, working or not. Love was love, nothing more, nothing less.

_Who would've thought? _he mused. _To be searching for something your whole life, only to find it in the last place I would have expected…_

"Jack?"

Ennis murmured the name sleepily as he nestled even closer.

"Yeah? You awake, Ennis?"

"No," he mumbled, not wanting to leave the peace and the warmth, either.

Jack smiled at this and stroked his hair. "Me neither."

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A little while later, when the sun was too bright for the lovers to pretend that it was still night, Ennis looked up and raised his voice again. "Jack?"

"Yeah, Ennis?"

"Do ya ever wonder why?"

"Why what?"

"Why… why this." He gestured furtively at their surroundings, unsure of how to put into words their relationship.

"Yeah," Jack responded, knowing exactly what he meant. Though he was usually far better with words than Ennis, he had yet to come up with suitable ones for _this_, either. "I wonder about it everyday."

"Well, have ya… Have ya come up with any answers?"

"No. Ya know what, Ennis? I don't reckon there is one. Like you said, there ain't no reins on this one. No reasons. Neither of us has ever been down this path before."

"And where does this path end, Jack?"

This gave Jack pause. They had carefully avoided this train of thought up to this point. He racked his brain for a good answer, or at least a decent-sounding one. "I… I don't rightly know, Ennis."

"And that's it?"

"What's it?"

"We're walkin' down a path and, hell, we don't even know where it's going to."

"I guess so," Jack returned miserably. He had a sudden glimpse of what his life would be like without Ennis here, like this. He saw himself attending to the daily chores and the sheep, only to return to a cold, lonely tent. And the mornings… Those would be even less bearable, now that he knew what their potential was... Unconsciously, he tightened his arms around Ennis.

Ennis turned his head so that he was looking into Jack's eyes. He seemed taken aback by the sudden melancholy that he saw there. "Aw, shit, Jack. You know I couldn't leave even if there were signposts marking this as the path to the devil himself."

Jack gave him a long look. He was deeply touched, despite his best effort to remain stoic. "You sure about that, cowboy?"

"Yeah."

"Ah, back to your usual level of wordiness, eh?"

Ennis chuckled and turned his head, resting it once again on Jack's chest.

The phrase _I love you_ ran through Jack's mind, but that was one thing that even he would never say. Love was the feeling that ran between him, the thing that made them both stay regardless of the consequence. There was no need for it to be spoken.

He knew somewhere in the back of his mind that he would soon have to rise and go about this day as he did every other one. There were repairs to be made, food to be cooked, and an endless amount of sheep to be watched.

Nevertheless, there was something about those mornings. Something special that he had previously believed to be unattainable. And yet… here it was.

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_Short, I know, but it's just the beginning. Please review and let me know if you'd be interested in more._

_Also, if you want to talk about the movie, stories, or characters, feel free to post in my new forum! It should be up shortly under Forums - Movies -Brokeback Mountain._


	2. In the Cards

_A/N: First, I would like to say thank you to **Inkstained Scarlet**, **Phoenix Queens**, **PadfootStarr**, **The** **Lady Luthien**, **daima ashiki**, **Cammie Jensen**, **eucalypti**, **Yul-chan**, **dancingknives**, and **Jibery Slash Puppet** for reviewing! Special thanks as well to those who reviewed my poem, "When I Grow Old". _

_I finally got the chance to read the novel, and it was amazing, as I had expected. Annie Proulx has a real talent for being able to get her readers involved in her characters with such a limited amount of space. Reading "Brokeback Mountain" has also hopefully given me some more insight into the characters as I proceed in this series. _

_Also, just to clarify, this will be written in third-person limited with alternating points of view. (Thanks to K. for letting me know the official terminology). Basically, it is in third person, but each chapter is otherwise told from the p.o.v. of Jack or Ennis. _

_I hope you enjoy!_

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Texas hold 'em poker seemed like an appropriate game for them to be playing now. It was a common game among the sheep-herders, as the rules were simple enough to remember even as one proceeded to get more and more drunk. It wasn't as good a game with just two people with nothing to bet, but entertaining nonetheless.

Jack had suggested strip poker only half-jokingly, but Ennis was nowhere near uninhibited enough for that. His style was quieter, more subtle. He would continue this relationship; he couldn't resist the temptation to touch Jack, to be close to him. However, he still shied away from any blatant show of anything more than vague friendliness. They had only been together a week, after all.

Jack did not seem to have anywhere near as many reservations. He had spent the evening playing his harmonica between rounds, much to the secret amusement of Ennis. He would have seriously contemplated killing anyone else who made that much screeching noise, but this was Jack. He was the exception to most of Ennis's rules.

So, instead of yelling for Jack to come take his turn already, Ennis laughed heartily and took another swig of whiskey.

He had done this countless times before. Playing cards, getting drunk, laughing at nothing in particular. Anyone in passing would see nothing out of the ordinary about two young men passing their time this way.

It occurred to him how strange it was that the exact same events could feel so different with Jack.

The line between friendship and love was distinct. Ennis had never been simply friends with a woman. How could you be? There were women he was friendly with, of course. Friends of Alma's, mostly. But to sit and drink and cavort around with? Not so much.

When he was with her, they spoke of other things. He was calm and pleasant and respectful, or tried to be as often as possible. They spoke of their future together, of getting their own ranch, of raising children. Ennis would never have revealed his deep thoughts to her, or any of his sometimes less than pure feelings and urges. He kept this part of himself tucked far away, because he didn't want to deal with it.

Not that he revealed this part to his male friends, either. He would join in their laughter and frivolity, but not their revealing talk. Even drunk, he was quiet.

It was his personal belief that there were certain things that you simply did not reveal to anyone under any circumstances. Part of you has to stay hidden. If you were to share this deep, secret part of yourself with someone, there was always the possibility that they could use it against you. Ennis refused to take this risk.

Or, he had refused. Until now. He still wasn't sure why, but none of these reservations were applicable with Jack. They had been at first, but Jack had managed to break down his walls. He was still reticent often, still the quiet one, but there were moments of inhibition. Moments when he felt comfortable enough to just be happy. This was a new experience for Ennis, and as much as he loved it, it scared him.

Time was ticking away in a vague corner of his mind. It had occurred to him quite a few times that they only had one more month together. After that…

He tried not to think about it. Right now, in this moment, he was content.

And maybe that wasn't enough, in the grand scheme of things. But it was all he had.

Abruptly, Ennis put down his cards and the whiskey bottle and walked over to where Jack was lying. He slowly lowered himself beside him and looked over at him. Jack stopped playing his idle tune and met his gaze tenderly.

Jack leaned forward to kiss him briefly, before pulling away to look into his eyes again. He smiled and chuckled a little, gesturing at the harmonica and saying, "Enough?"

Ennis thought for a moment before responding rather decisively considering the levity of the question. "Yes."

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_Please read and review, I'd really appreciate it.Thanks to **eucalypti**, I fixed my options and can now accept anonymous reviews as well (I get too lazy to sign in sometimes; too, I know how annoying that can be). _

_Also, and I promise this is the last time; I want to advertise my now functional Brokeback Mountain forum in the forums section on this site. Please come and share your opinions, I'd love to hear from you! _


	3. Last Night

_Thanks again to all of my reviewers: **Frek, MikiNare, Heroin Girl, Meg-Of-The-Moon, Faith, Pyxelle, awesomepossum, Phoenix Queens, ix-tab, amber24-03, SilverBlood666, TearsOfEcstasy, Enchanted Princess Gal, **and **CatsonMars**!_

_Sorry for the long update time, but this time of year is always crazy for me. I will try to keep these coming._

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Their last night together was wordless.

Usually Jack found Ennis's silence endearing, despite it being slightly irritating at times. Now, it was driving him to the edges of sanity. He would have paid anything to learn Ennis's thoughts at this juncture.

He shouldn't be one to speak, he knew. He could not think of anything appropriate to say, and he was just as silent tonight.

Nevertheless, Jack did not see this as the ultimate end. He couldn't. Living the rest of his life without Ennis was inconceivable to him. And yet, he couldn't escape the feeling that they were standing on a precipice and preparing to jump. Where they would land was anybody's guess and, thought they might try to stumble blindly back to each other at the bottom, there were no guarantees.

A vague ache settled over Jack's entire being at this image. He strongly did not want the memories of his last night to be marred by this melancholy, but it seemed unavoidable. He forced a smile as he turned back towards the tent, but let it fade when he saw that Ennis was still inside and could not see him.

Jack had gone for a brief walk, purportedly to get some air. In reality, he just needed to clear his mind and decide on what he wanted to say.

Unfortunately, this had been to no avail.

So he was silent as he reentered the tent and lay down next to Ennis. He wondered for a moment if he was asleep, but then Ennis turned over and was looking into his eyes.

They stayed like this for a good while, savoring the connection that had grown between them. If their time on the mountain had taught them anything, it was to hold on to these little moments of happiness, regardless of the future.

When great things come to an end, Jack realized, you were powerless. You could spend all your time pondering, searching, grasping for some kind of closure. But in the end, you would be no nearer to an answer. There was none.

If there was a plunge, you just had to take it without looking back, or you could never bring yourself to jump. If part of you was going to die tomorrow, you had to appreciate that part today. Go out with a bang, so to speak. At least then your memories would be of happier times, not of your fruitless struggles to find a nonexistent closure.

Looking back, he couldn't recall if it was he or Ennis who made the first move towards the other. But somehow they ended up clutching each other, moving together in a tangle of clothes and limbs and blankets.

Later, they just lay and held each other, embarking on their last night of peaceful, contented sleep on the mountain that had become their own private world.

Sometimes, there is no need for words.

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_Please continue to review, I love getting feedback!_


	4. Reunion

_Thanks to **Spiderstring, Frek, Jessymama, Sophia, Pip3, awesomepossum, **and **Street Spirit** for reviewing!_

_This is skipping some time forward into the movie, I know, but I want to do mainly the scenes where Ennis and Jack are together. _

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Seeing Jack Twist again was unreal.

Ennis didn't know how else to describe it. It was like Brokeback was another world, a dream one, which had no right to come into contact with his normal, routine life in Riverton, Wyoming. Now that the two worlds had collided, he was nearly to the point of seeing stars.

When he had waited four hours upon that goddamned couch, smoking and drinking alternatively, it had occurred to Ennis that there was something very wrong with this picture. Why was so nervous that he was to the point of completely ignoring his family? Why did he feel as if the point of living would suddenly slip away if Jack didn't show up today? And how the hell was he going to react if he did show?

Ennis knew that he loved Alma, of course. And he most definitely loved his two beautiful daughters. He wondered how many types of love there were in the universe, if it was possible that he could have feelings for his wife, and yet have his heart ache for Jack.

He wondered how this could this feel so right, when it went against everything that he believed. But when he was with Jack, something just clicked. He felt free and peaceful. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that it was not true peace, rather the eye of a storm. Nevertheless…

Kissing Jack again, holding him in his arms, was like being able to clasp sunshine so close to him that it lit up his entire being. It was an amazing sensation, but it brought with it the fear that he would be burned alive by its intensity.

The time to leave had come all too soon. He forced himself to remove Jack's arm from around him and sit up. Jack sat and looked contemplative as Ennis slowly searched the room for the clothes that had been so rapidly discarded the night before.

Ennis glanced over at Jack again, noting that he still hadn't moved. Ennis knew him well enough to recognize that he was cooking up some sort of scheme.

_Whatever it is, I can't have no part in it, _he told himself. _It's over now. It has to be. We'll get dressed, leave here, and go our separate ways. There's nothing more we can do. If you can't fix it…_

And then Jack mentioned Brokeback. Ennis told himself that he was going to refuse right up to the point when he said yes. The chance to go back there and try to recapture the glory and the happiness of that summer was too much for him to resist. The need overshadowed the confusion and the guilt.

Ennis rushed home, packed his things, and quickly said goodbye to his wife and daughters. The look on Alma's face haunted him as he walked out the door and he wondered if he could really go through with this, and if it was worth it.

When he climbed into the car and looked over at Jack's smiling face, he had his answer.

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_As usual, please review!_


	5. Anger

_Thanks for the reviews from **wiseguy, LuvAngel448, Katieelessar, Frek, Street Spirit, awesomepossum, dov, **and **The Lady Luthien**!_

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Jack hated her. No, that wasn't right, he knew. Nevertheless, it was the only way in which he could describe the rage that boiled up inside him when Lureen gave him that cold little smile and just turned back to her work like he didn't exist. He had just asked her about their son, goddamnit, why didn't she care? What he did in his spare time was irrelevant to her, he knew, but wasn't their son worth giving a solitary moment to?

He exited the house through the front door, still simmering. The door closed behind him with a soft, dull thud. That didn't seem fitting to him at the moment. He went back, opened the solid wooden door, and slammed it closed, hard. No reaction from inside.

A long time ago, someone had told him that anger was a reaction to stress. You felt rage when you had so much feeling simmering inside you that it had no choice but to bubble up and create an explosion. He knew that ever since reuniting with Ennis del Mar, countless emotions were buzzing in his head: anxiety, passion, anger… And love, he admitted to himself.

He kicked the ground angrily. He knew somewhere in the back of his mind what was going on here, but logic didn't help much when he was this upset. He just knew that slamming that door with all his strength had felt damn good. So he did it again.

He allowed himself to think about the fact that a large part of this anger was a result of the events that had transpired after Ennis's divorce. The complete and utter joy that he had felt upon first hearing the news had worsened the resultant misery tenfold. Humiliation, anger, and despair had flooded his brain and it was all he could do not to either start crying right then and there or punch Ennis in the gut.

Of course had gone to Mexico after that. What else was he supposed to have done, go confide in Lureen? The idea of this scenario would evoke a laugh if he were even remotely in the mood for laughing. Instead, he gave the door another slam.

So why was he going to go meet Ennis again? Why was he putting himself through all this agony?

He sighed. These questions had been running through his head for years, now. Every time, heading up for one of his "fishing trips", he questioned it. But every time, the twisted agony that he felt when contemplating Ennis alone became almost pleasurable when around him. Jack could feel anger, worry, sadness, regret, and still smile because his man was right there, holding him. He didn't understand it, and doubted he ever would.

He slammed the door hard again. Why were things like this? Why didn't he have a relationship like that with his wife, whom he had pledged to love for his entire life? What would his boyhood self think if he knew that every step along the way had been leading up to this path? Should he have taken a different turn, somewhere along the line? Should he have refused to see Ennis again, let the four year separation increase until the pain was numb or he was in his grave?

He knew that these were questions without answers, so he tried to let them go. But when question lurked still in his mind, one that he could answer, in fact, had to answer right now. Should he stop right now, unpack his things, and accept the life that he seemed fated to live? Should he forget the starry nights, the quiet conversation, the feel of Ennis's hands on his body?

The answer, he knew for a fact, was yes. He should. He should never see Ennis again and never go on another fishing trip.

And yet, he could never not go, when the thought of seeing Ennis was in his mind. Even if it was an unsatisfactory situation, Ennis wanted it to stay this way, and Jack wanted to be with Ennis, no matter what. And, as Ennis always said, if you can't fix something, you got to stand it.

Jack gave the door a final slam for good measure. By the time that Lureen got to the door and opened it to see what the hell was going on, her husband's truck was already making its way down the long road, leaving a cloud of dust in its wake.

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_Please keep reviewing!_


	6. The Fight

_A/N: _

_Firstly, a long-overdue thanks to my reviewers: **LuvAngel448, The Lady Luthien, blackflagDiamant, Dtreet Spirit, amy, **and **awesomepossum**._

_I am very sorry for the lengthy delay in updates, I have had an unbelievable amount of work in the past couple of weeks and haven't had a spare second to write. _

_I finally have the story planned out in my head, and I think that there will be two more chapters after this one, just so you know. I can't make any promises, but I think these last two chapters should be out a lot more quickly._

_Lastly, in response to **Street Spirit's **questions, I absolutely loved the movie. I saw it only twice, I wanted to see it more, but both times it drew me ion completely and made me cry. I read the short story afterwards and, while I found the movie more emotional, I thought some of the lines in the story were beautiful and perfectly captured the characters or the moments. In fact, it was some of those lines that inspired this story. As for the two characters, I like Ennis a lot and could relate to him more, but I loved Jack (probably because I am more drawn to open, talkative people and I find Jake Gyllenhaal more attractive, shallow as those things may be). If anyone wants to talk more, feel free to come to my Brokeback forum or email me!_

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They had fought today.

They had made up afterwards, of course. It was wordless, they just came into each others arms, crying. Nothing was changed much. But it still stood out to Ennis, like it was somehow the end even as they made plans to reunite in November.

It had killed Ennis to walk away from Jack afterward, but he knew he had no choice. He opened the door of his truck, turning back for one last look before getting in and starting the engine.

Jack had that look on his face – the calm, peaceful look that came only when he was remembering. This caused Ennis to remember, too.

He let himself drift back to the days when he could leave Jack and be content in the knowledge that their brief time apart would only heighten the anticipation and the joy that was sure to come when they reunited later that day. He remembered how

As he drove down the mountainside, a quote from somewhere in his youth came to Ennis's mind. "Time passes in moments, moments which, rushing past define the path of a life just as surely as they lead towards its end."

He had no recollection as to where that came from, but it seemed fitting, in a way. He found it ironic that, when he had first come across this, he had found it optimistic and inspiring. Not that he ever would have admitted that to anyone, a person in his position couldn't afford to have dreams. Still, his younger self had loved the idea that the decisions that he made would have an impact, and that he could determine the course of his own life. The possibilities had seemed limitless.

Now, nearly a half-century later, Ennis found this same quote depressing. This was it? This was the life that he had chosen for himself? He looked back at the path he had chosen to take, and all the little moments with their big choices that had led him to this point.

During the fight, Jack had reminded him of the other path he could have taken. The image of him living with Jack in peace on a secluded ranch rose to his mind unbidden. A slow, steady ache came to his gut.

I don't regret it, he told himself. I don't regret it at all.

They could have had a nice life together, and it was all his fault that they didn't. He had been so full of fear the whole time, and Jack had just accepted it and stayed with him. Jack had cared so deeply, and Ennis had acted as if it was just a little side thing he had going on. He thought back to all the little moments in which he could have altered the paths of their entire lives with just a few words.

But I don't regret it. Of course I don't…

Before he could stop himself, he had turned the truck around and was speeding back up the mountain towards the campsite. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe he could just forget about his job and his old life and just run away with Jack. Maybe he could finally be happy. Maybe…

He brought the truck to a stop and looked around him. He couldn't suppress the groan that seemed to come from his very soul, so he allowed himself to just cry and let it out.

The campsite was empty.

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_Thanks for continuing to read. Please let me know what you think!_


	7. Tire Irons

_First of all, thank you all so much for reviewing! Seeing that many reviews made me so happy and encouraged me to write more and update sooner. Many thanks specifically to: **Peggyz, jcrooz, kipperoo543, SmileVampy, The Lady Luthien, tussis, LuvAngel448, Street Spirit, TearsofEcstasy, Pyxelle, w84u, Shikan **and **x-woman1**. _

_Before you read this chapter, though, I'll warn you that it may be disturbing to some. I'm not sure what you'll think, but I thought I should put this just in case. _

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Jack felt like hell. No, worse. Pain beyond what mere words could described, coupled with the humiliation and the utter despair that came with the recognition of his complete helplessness.

He didn't know how he had lasted this long, or why he had even bothered. Maybe it was due to his deep yearning to see Ennis again, just one last time…

But it was long past the time that he needed to accept that this was not to be. The agony was too much. Jack heard a sickening crunch, and he didn't know if he felt relieved or terrified that he could no longer tell from which place in his body this new pain came. It was like what a little creek would add to a crashing ocean. The red-stained world was giving way to blackness, and he had lost the fight to resist. The knowledge that what was being done to him was wrong did nothing to assuage his wounds.

Just one last question occurred to him: _In a world in which love couldn't survive, where it would be dragged down and beat with tire irons, was there even a point in living?_

If so, Jack didn't see what it was.

Time moved differently now. As he swirled deeper down into the darkness, there came the infamous time in which scenes from his life flashed before him, flashing and twirling like a kaleidoscope. He was beyond pain, now. He saw his sparsely-furnished boyhood room; the only road he had ever known for twelve years; his father's screaming rants; his mother's cherry pie; his first time on a horse; his days in the rodeo; his wife; his son; and all those damn sheep…

But a piece was missing, he felt, the largest piece, the glue that had held his life together, had made it make sense and have meaning. At this realization, he felt an instinctive longing for some light in his last moments before the eternal darkness. This longing, rather than any coherent thought, brought to him the visions of Ennis. Not the sad ones or the angry ones, just those quiet, peaceful moments from that summer on Brokeback.

It was fitting that his last memory was of Ennis's embrace that evening on the mountain – the one moment of pure, effortless happiness in a life of heartbreak.

Then, with the feel of Ennis's arms around him as comforting as those of angels, Jack abandoned himself to the radiant blackness.

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_On the short side, I know, but I thought that was a fitting length for this chapter. The last one will definitely be long – probably longer than any other chapter so far. _

_Please, please review and let me know how you thought I did with this chapter!_


	8. Memories and Moments

**Pyxelle, Peggyz, jcrooz, hrhgmsfsoap, onefreetoroam, w84u,** **kipperoo453,** **LuvAngel448, Street Spirit, SmileVampy, Jessymama, tussis, Tha Lady Luthien, **and **Eriala **- thank you all for your great reviews – they mean so much to me!

_A/N: _I am just realizing now that I never put a disclaimer on this story. In case anyone was unsure, I did not in fact write the short story under a pseudonym, transform it into a screenplay, and produce a major motion picture. Just so we're clear.

This is the final chapter in this story.

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The grey mist settled over the seemingly endless countryside like a blanket wrapped so snugly that it nearly smothered. This seemed fitting to Ennis, in a way, as he slowly made his way up through the seemingly endless sea of fog and prairie grass.

His new home was in one of those out-of-the-way places, the type of sparse settlement that had no justification for calling itself a town. His daughters thought that he had gone completely insane, forsaking his cozy little home near Riverton for a trailer out in what seemed like the middle of nowhere. But, ironically, he no longer gave a damn what anyone else thought.

He would have loved to have been able to carry out Jack's wishes and spread his ashes over Brokeback Mountain, but Jack's father had refused. It seemed wrong to Ennis, painfully significant. Half of his ashes in his childhood home, with childhood dreams unfulfilled; the other half was with his wife and the hard reality he had always tried to forget. No part of him was in the one place that he wanted most to be.

This thought stung Ennis hard. He had contemplated taking the ashes anyway, or at least going back to Brokeback on his own as a pilgrimage of sorts. But he had thought better of it. Going to the mountain now, alone, seemed too wrong. It would sully the sanctity of the place, tarnish the memories. Maybe Jack's father was right, in a way. There were some places you just couldn't return to.

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Ennis's older daughter had come to visit him that morning. She was the one human being whom he did not mind impugning on his solitude. She had announced her intention to wed a boy, a man, he grudgingly admitted, whom he had never met or even heard of before that morning. He had struggled with the harsh realization of how quickly time was moving and that his baby girl had grown up, nearly to the point of refusing her invitation. But he did not. The sad look in her eyes had reminded her of how Jack used to look at him sometimes.

Out loud, he told her that he'd be there. Inwardly, he added, _I know what the price is of shutting people out of my life because it's just easier for me to disengage. I know what it's like to be alone and have only yourself and your own stubbornness to blame. I will not make the same mistake with you. It's the least I can do for him, to be even a little more open, to tell people when I care about them, and to be there for them before it's too late…_

He watched her go shortly afterwards, blinking back tears. He was determined to put that whole train of thought out of his mind for awhile. When he saw that she had left her sweater, he knew that he would need to open the closet. And he knew that the memories would return once again, filling the solitude with tranquility and longing, joy and despair.

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This was why he was walking through this misty morning. He had hoped to clear his head, but the haze around him gave everything a dreamy quality, blurring the lines between memories and reality until they were nearly inseparable.

It occurred to him that it was strange how his mind catalogued memories. You could have been going through the worst storm in your life, but a moment of peace and t fair winds would stand out in your mind upon reflection.

He thought back to the day of his parents' funeral. The black clothing, the weeping, the stench of death as he walked through the moist graveyard, his feet slipping into the cold spring mud. All of this blurred together in his memory. What stood out to him now was that moment when he broke away from his aunt's viselike, "comforting" grip and climbed to the top of the big oak in the center of the rows of tombstones.

He had poked his head through the canopy at the top, and found that he could see across the entire cemetery. From this height, all the gravestones were just little grey blocks, aligned in neat rows on a green field with little yellow flowers and a white picket fence. The wind gently stirred his hair, and he felt a supreme sense of calmness and even beauty here, where the bodies of ages gave fruit to the new flowers. It had seemed fitting, even to his young mind. And now, when he recalled the funeral day, it was that one moment that flashed back to him so vividly that he could almost feel that sweet breeze on his face again.

This was what he feverishly wished he could do with Jack: find the peace in the despair, the little bit of beauty that would overshadow the vast ugliness that was his life.

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Jack had never found peace in this life. He was, perhaps, not meant for this world. He would be happier as a spirit, Ennis reflected, finally free of worldly constraints.

As for Ennis, he didn't know or care much about religion, but he clung blindly to the vague notion of one day reuniting. He had to believe that not everything was mortal, that some loves never died.

Until that day, he would go on working. He would attend his daughter's wedding, he would celebrate the eternal binding of one heart to another. He would ache with regret for the choices he did not make, and he would dream of the possibilities that had seemed limitless after that first summer. He would go on living.

And when it got to be too much, and everything seemed pointless and grey, he would open the closet and remember.

Some moments make it all worth it.

_- Finis_

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Thank you all for reading. Please review one last time or email me and tell me your thoughts. I look forward to hearing from you!


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